I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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