Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
