the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
