Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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