and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Randomize
