Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
