Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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