DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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