she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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