i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
