what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
