I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
