This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
