I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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