I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
