I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
