uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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