Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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