tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
