I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I intend to get homeless drunk
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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