dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
