Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
