brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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