i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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