i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
