Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
