I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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