He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
