I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
