Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
