maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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