oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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