So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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