I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
