we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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