I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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