Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
