Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
