Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Mom said you looked used
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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