I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
