Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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