I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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