I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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