she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
