drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
