Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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