Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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