i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
