4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
