I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
