I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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