It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize