I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
