About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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