I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
