can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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