I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
