you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
