i just wanna soil my oats bro
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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