I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
