You really coming over, don't trick.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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