I am spending my child support on dildos
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
