i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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