I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
