the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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