Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
