Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
