There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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