You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
