I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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