um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize