for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
