so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
