You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
