I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
