I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Is it penis luge time yet?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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