If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize