This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
