she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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