I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
