Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
