there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
