thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
