so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
