i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
