grandma shit on top of the toilet
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
