when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
