after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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