using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
