We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
