My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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