I've blown a few things in my day
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
