They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
