This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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