I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
