I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
