you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
