Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
