I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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