I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
