Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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